What Are Friends For?

Most often used to brush off compliments for a good deed, this question has been on my mind for a while now, but in a different context. I mean, honestly, What ARE friends for?

I don’t mean to question the value of friends, but rather explore what we get from the various people in our lives we call friends. What roles do they play, what value to they bring to our lives? Can you get all the “friend” you need from just one person?

Many people seem to be “friend collectors,” using the concept of “the more the merrier” in their friend selection processes. They may not be extremely close to any of them, but when they want to go out on Saturday night, or meet for coffee on Sunday afternoon, there is always someone willing and able to join them.

Myself, I've traditionally taken more of a “less is more” approach to my friends, choosing to have a smaller, closer group rather than a large gaggle of acquaintances. In fact, I've often looked down on those “friend collectors,” feeling they were really missing out on the depth of friendship to be found within a small group.

But aside from quantity, the quality of the people you choose to surround yourself with can give you real insight into your inner self. Do you choose people who cheer you on, following your lead regardless of situation, or people who support you 100% but are also willing to call you out when you need it? How would you describe what kind of friend are you in return? And what does any of that mean, anyway?

In the past I was drawn mostly to people who “needed” me, people with problems I could help fix. Admittedly, I’m a bit of a junkie for the rush of being the “Princess in Shining Armor” in someone else’s fairytale. Unfortunately, as any “rescue junkie” can attest, such relationships most often end up one-sided. The “high” of helping can be exhausting after a time, terribly bad for the success of one’s own life story, and terribly frustrating if/when you discover all your “helping” may not have helped at all. The other downside is that your small group of friends can get even smaller, as you spend all your time and energy “rescuing” one, to the detriment of other relationships.

So, in my wise old age, I’m starting to better appreciate the value of having a collection of various friends - adopting a bit of a “friend for every occasion” philosophy. Focusing more on filling friend roles than worrying about how many people it takes to do that. There is definite value to friendships in general, regardless of why you're drawn together. Some friendships are like therapy sessions, comparing miseries and see who’s winning (or is it losing?) this week. Others may challenge you intellectually, introducing you to new ideas or experiences that push your limits and keep you from getting too settled in your world. Some friendships are based mainly on shared past experiences, others on workplace commonalities, while still others are all about whatever stage your life is currently in. And sometimes the only commonality is the ability to laugh until your sides hurt whenever you’re together.

If you can find all of the friend roles you need filled in one person, you are indeed lucky. For most of us, especially as lives get more and more complicated with work, spouses, and children (of the two and four-legged varieties,) I think the “all-encompassing best-friend” idea born in elementary school is rather unrealistic.

So, what’s my point in all this? (Well, first I’ll remind you all that it’s my blog so I can choose whether or not to even HAVE a point : ) But, this time I do, and here it is: Our friend collection should evolve with us as individuals. Some of the people we currently call friends may not make the collection cut years, or even months, from now, and that's OK. We should always be open to new friendships, even when it seems our friend collection is complete. If you’re feeling like something’s lacking in your world, if you’re in a rut, old before your time or just feeling the need to shake things up a bit, maybe it’s time for a new friend – you never know where they will lead you!